So, here I am, alone again in Casper. Mike was gone most of last week for a conference in Denver, he came home for less than 24 hours, and now is gone again for another week-long conference in Houston. The worst part is that he gets to have fun in sunny, 70 degree Texas while Alayna and I are stuck here in cold, snowy Wyoming.
Mike really likes his job and I am so grateful for that, really. He is doing great and just got a big promotion to a supervisory position, and I am extremely proud of him. I try to be a understanding, supporting wife, really. But to be honest, it is difficult to be alone so much with a baby and no family and very few friends around. Last year, just before and after Alayna was born, Mike was traveling to his field site (2+ hours away) on Monday and then he would stay in a hotel in a nearby town for the week and come home only on the weekends. That was the worst, especially after Alayna was born and after my mom left and Al had cholic.... Oh man, don't get me started on how hard that was...
Things are definitely better now. First of all, Alayna sleeps through the night and she got over her cholic pretty quickly, thank God, so I am much more emotionally stable than I was during her first few months! Now, Mike doesn't stay in the field all week but rather drives there and back each day. It's nice to at least be able to see him and hug him and talk to him each night, but he doesn't get home until about 8 or 9 pm and then leaves early in the morning, so Alayna doesn't usually see him at all.
The best change this year, though, is that the geologists are now working 4 10-hour days a week, so we get wonderful, blissful 3-day weekends together. Now that he's the field supervisor, he doesn't get 3-day weekends every week, but when he does it's SO nice. He lets me sleep in while he takes Alayna in the morning, we go to the library together, go shopping, go out to eat, take walks, watch movies, and just play and have fun. But, of course, he always seems to have some conference or class or something that he has to fly off to, and then we're stuck here alone again.
Don't get me wrong, I love being with Alayna and being a mom. She's so sweet and fun, and it's so exciting to see her grow and learn every day. But she's a total Daddy's girl, and she really misses her daddy when he's not around. I can tell a noticeable difference in her mood when he is here vs. when it's just her and me. I really feel for all of those single parents out there because despite all of the love you have for you children, it's hard and it can really get lonely.
I am planning on starting a part-time job as a Speech Language Pathologist for the local school district soon. I am a little bit scared about the job and feeling guilty about putting Alayna in daycare, but I think it will be good for us. I don't really have a choice about going back to work because I have to do a Clinical Fellowship within a few years of graduating in order to be certified as an SLP, and my time is running out. Despite that, I realize it's important for me to do something that is fulfilling rather than just sitting around missing Mike all the time. I'm excited to meet new people and interact with other adults again. I think it will be good for Alayna to interact with other children too. So, hopefully I'll love my new job, make some great new friends, and my days of being a lonely stay-at-home mom will soon be over. Wish me luck!
4 comments:
I'm so sorry you have to be alone so much. That is SO hard. I think the part time job will be great for both of you!
I just noticed that visiting Washington is on your to-do list. We are ready for you to come see us! Come anytime! We had such a nice time seeing you last summer.
Thanks Christa. Yeah, we want to come visit you guys sometime this summer, if we can. We'll let you know more details when we figure them out. We can't wait to see you again! :)
I read this yesterday, but didn't know what to say really. Still don't - but I wanted to tell you how much you are loved, and I know how hard it can be without a baby, I can't imagine with one.
It's hard to do the things you're supposed to do as a wife, mother, and friend and feel like your needs are being neglected. Even when you have a healthy family, and a good home. Feeling like so much is missing seems the worst betrayal to everything you have and love, and yet, if it's the way things are one must deal with those feelings, face them, and overcome them somehow. It's never easy.
Starting your new job will be hard, and I am so very happy you found a place that will let you do your fellowship so that all your hard work at school won't be lost.
Good luck, and as hard as it may be, know your daughter would react the exact same way should Mike be the stay at home parent and you were gone all day! :) Your daughter, and your family, need you and appreciate your sacrifices even if it's not always voiced.
Thanks Becky. It's nice to know I have people who understand and care. My life really is great and I am thankful for all I have, but I guess we all just get into these slumps sometimes, you know? Mike will be coming back home tonight!
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